I'm on those Fanny Doodles again. The other night at dinner I started talking to P about Fanny Doodles. It took her a while (and a bit of help from me) but she finally figured out the trick. I remember watching Zoom and really concentrating on why Fanny liked certain things but didn't like others. It took me a really long time to get it. I guess I'm dense. I like that they didn't come out and say what the logic was, you had to figure it out for yourself. Children's TV is so different now.
BEEP-B E E P-BEEPBEEP-BEEP- HAT UPDATE -BEEP-B E E P-BEEPBEEP-BEEP
The hats are now on ebay and etsy. I've sold two to total strangers and I'm trying to figure out ways to increase those sales. I inadvertantly purchased two etsy showcase spots for my panda dolls for next weekend. I hope that my $14 won't be in vain. If anything someone will notice them and click through to see what else I may have. I'm making a custom hat for my coworker's daughter and have several promised purchases from other friends. My parents are volunteering to do a craft fair out where they live in December for me. I'd better get cracking making them plenty of stuff for them to sell!! I don't think that I'll be doing the craft show with them. I feel a little guilty about it and then I really don't. I'm going to trust them to do a good job and if they don't I really haven't lost anything anyway. I also sent a box of hats to my friend Mark to sell at his store in the East Village. Now that is exciting!! I can't wait to see how they do. I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Caps for Sale!
A couple of weekends ago I went running. I really didn't want to that day and really had to drag myself out to the trail. I'm glad that I did because I came up with lots of good ideas while I was out there. I have been wanting to make something that people could really use and I started thinking about an idea for a hat/headband thingy. I like making the panda faces the best and thought I could stick one on a flower and stick it on a hat. When I got home I found my chunky crochet hooks and started playing around with shapes and flowers. They are very quick to make and I am really enjoying the fashion design aspect of them. I also really like seeing P model them. She seems to like wearing them or maybe she's just humoring me.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
A new adventure!
I've been ignoring this blog and my creative side for too long now. I have typed. I've decided that I need to pursue my artistic ideas and I need to earn some extra money. The money part is actually the more serious need right now but if I can be successful doing something that I enjoy, then all the better. I'm working on opening my own Etsy shop. I'm going to try to sell some of the peeps that I have been crocheting. Right now, I'm making snowmen and pandas. They are very basic and I'm working on getting them to be as cute and sturdy as possible. Once I get those established I can work on offering other more useful items - though I think a good stuffed pal is definitely essential from time to time. I'm trying to work in the amigurumi style which is a Japanese word for small knitted stuffed toy. I'm attempting to make my guys as cute and simple as possible. I have been using buttons for the eyes but I just ordered some safety eyes and I think they'll work out much better. I can't wait until they get here!!
In the past I've gotten myself all hot about an idea and then once my enthusiasm for it inevitably starts fading a bit I can't bring myself to return to it again. I've gotten much better at finishing projects that I start so I feel more confident that I'll be able to follow through with this too.
In the meantime, I'm getting ready for my big half-marathon on Sunday. I'm really looking forward to it being over. I have enjoyed the training but I'm also starting to hate it a little too. I don't want to abandon it all together though. I like what it has done for my body and my mood and I don't want to let myself give that up. I like how I feel at the end of a run, tired and sweaty but still grateful.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Crockpotty Goodness
I used my crock pot for the first time in a long time yesterday and it rocked! I found a simple recipe for "Roast Beef" online (beef and two cans of soup) and finagled it my way. Here is what I came up with:
Beef-O-Matic
1 3lb rump roast (or similar)
2 Tblsp olive oil
4 carrots, peeled, trimmed and cut into 2 or 3 pieces
4 stalks celery, peeled, trimmed and cut into 2 or 3 pieces
1 medium onion, peeled, trimmed and cut into 1/8's
splash of wine (white or red, doesn't matter)
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 can condensed beef broth
coarse salt and ground pepper
Brown the meat in a large pot or saute pan with plenty of salt and pepper, approx 4 minutes on each side. Remove it and set aside. Add vegetables and splash of wine and saute to release the brown bits on the bottom of the pan. Stir vegetables to coat completely. Add vegetables to crock pot (I used the 4 qt bowl) and place the roast on top. Whisk together the two cans of soup without adding any water and once completely combined pour it over the meat and veggies in the crock pot. Cover and cook on low for approx 6 hours. Once the time is up, remove and slice the beef. You can make a nice gravy with the liquid in the pot or just use it as is. I served mine with mashed potatoes.
Mmmmmm Beef-O-Matic!!
Beef-O-Matic
1 3lb rump roast (or similar)
2 Tblsp olive oil
4 carrots, peeled, trimmed and cut into 2 or 3 pieces
4 stalks celery, peeled, trimmed and cut into 2 or 3 pieces
1 medium onion, peeled, trimmed and cut into 1/8's
splash of wine (white or red, doesn't matter)
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 can condensed beef broth
coarse salt and ground pepper
Brown the meat in a large pot or saute pan with plenty of salt and pepper, approx 4 minutes on each side. Remove it and set aside. Add vegetables and splash of wine and saute to release the brown bits on the bottom of the pan. Stir vegetables to coat completely. Add vegetables to crock pot (I used the 4 qt bowl) and place the roast on top. Whisk together the two cans of soup without adding any water and once completely combined pour it over the meat and veggies in the crock pot. Cover and cook on low for approx 6 hours. Once the time is up, remove and slice the beef. You can make a nice gravy with the liquid in the pot or just use it as is. I served mine with mashed potatoes.
Mmmmmm Beef-O-Matic!!
Friday, November 14, 2008
Same Time Next Year
I actually got a comment on one of my postings from November of last year today (thanks again Jennifer!) and so I decided to read through my posts from the end of the month after my brother committed suicide. Understandably it has been on my mind a lot lately, not only because the one year anniversary is coming up next week but because I went to a funeral earlier this week. The father of one of my closest H.S. friends died of cancer last weekend. They had the funeral in Great Neck in the very same funeral parlor where we had Mike's memorial. As soon as I heard that Marvin had died I knew that I wanted to go to his service. My friend and his parents all came to Mike's memorial last year and it meant so much to me then. As I sat there listening to the Rabbi speak about Marvin and his life I realized how thankful I was that he had raised such a lovely family and a wonderful son who has brought so much happiness to my life. I tried not to think too much about my brother and my sadness and focus on Marvin and his family but it was hard. This was an 80 year old man who lived a truly full and happy life. That is something to admire and aspire to. My brother gave up on those hopes and wasted everything at 45. I know that he felt that his life was essentially over already but it had just begun. It's never too late!
It's never too late.
It's never too late.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
November 4, 2008
I can't let myself truly believe that it's going to happen yet. I know that it is highly likely but I don't have enough faith in my fellow Prisoners, um I mean Americans yet. I've read a lot of awful things that people have written about Obama on different blogs and news websites. They are so hateful and ignorant and while I hate to say it I know sometimes the bullies do win. P was just a tiny baby when we started the war in Iraq and while she's been basically unaware of it throughout it's terrible to think that it has been going on almost as long as she has. I hope for a greater world for her with greater leaders. This is all so bittersweet for me. I still can't believe that my brother isn't here to see it all. I miss getting to talk and laugh about it with him. It's kind of like when the Giants (his FAVORITE team) pulled it out and won the Superbowl. Nothing would have made him happier and nothing would have given him greater hope.
Obama/Biden '08
Obama/Biden '08
Monday, September 15, 2008
Forgiveness
Yesterday at church the Pastor talked about forgiveness. It was definitely a timely subject for me. I haven't been to church in a really long time so I think maybe someone *hint-hint* is trying to tell me something.
On Saturday I got a phone call from my Father. He never picks up the phone to just say hi or anything so I knew right away that something was wrong. He called to tell me how disappointed he was in me. A couple of weeks ago I told my Mother that I didn't want to go to their house to observe the anniversary of my brother's in November. I told her that I intended to go to NYC and spend time with some of the friends that my brother and I shared. I feel that this is a more fitting memorial and it is what he would want me to do. I told her that I was going to be sad and I was going to remember wherever I was. I told her that I didn't want to go to their house to observe this anniversary. I know that me making the effort would be some kind of comfort to them but it would be absolute torture for me. I know that I am there only remaining child but that doesn't mean that I don't get to decide what I feel I need to do for my own sanity. They are not a source of comfort for me, it is sad to say but it is true. My dad just yelled at me and told me how he can't believe that I was doing this to my mother. He told me that I think that they are just parents of "convenience" and that I was doing the same thing to my Mother that my "brother always did". I didn't respond to any of this during the conversation. I've been his daughter for 42 years now and I've finally learned that it doesn't do any good. When he is like that he doesn't listen and would only twist everything back to me. I just told him if that is how he feels about me, I'm not going to change his mind. How does he think that talking to me in this way is going to make me want to go there? What shred of logic is he clinging to for that one? It would just be so impossibly sad to be there and you know what, it is always sad to be there. Even before my brother did this thing. So now, I feel that I would just be crushed under the weight of it all. I feel for my Mother I really do but I just can't make that trip for her. I can't ask my husband and my daughter to make that trip either. I need to forgive them for their part in what Mike did and I can't do that yet.
My feelings towards my brother change all the time. Right now, I'm just so incredibly sad for him. I feel his pain now and frankly it makes me feel vengeful. My Pastor talked about how in the face of abuse there can be forgiveness but there also must be justice. I'm still searching for the greater justice for Mike but I can do my small part. For some reason he didn't feel like he could say no to them and release himself and still remain here intact. But I can and I will.
The Pastor told a story about a young boy who did something very bad during advent. He was very defiant and refused to admit he was wrong to his parents even though it meant that he might be sacrificing all his Christmas presents. No matter how many times his parents gently asked him to admit he was wrong and say that he was sorry, he refused to admit that he was wrong. Finally Christmas came and when he looked under the tree on Christmas morning there were more presents and many more extravagant presents than he had ever received before. As soon as he saw what his parents had done he broke down and admitted he was wrong and said he was sorry. When I heard that it reminded me so much of my own family but with a very different result. Back during the 90's there was a period of time where my brother had exhausted all his outlets and was forced to move back in with my parents in their very small one bedroom apartment. It was a completely black time for him. My father was so fed up with my brother and his situation that he forbade my mother from buying him any Christmas presents at all. He didn't want to "reward" my brother in any way. My mother must have felt that she needed to give him something so she bought a bunch of things that he needed like; saline solution, tube socks, shaving cream, etc., and wrapped them up and put them under the tree. When I saw him sitting there opening these "presents" up it just struck me as one of the saddest things I had ever seen. I know my mother meant well but I think that she made my brother feel like he was some kind of homeless or third-world person, just grateful for the most menial of gifts. How different it could have been if my father had decided to love more instead of punish more? This story has always stuck with me and now coupled with the Pastor's story it's all I can think about.
I guess that the right thing for me to do is to go to Greenport for the anniversary. But I don't think that I can. I want to be able to love more instead of punish more but I'm not there yet. I'm still working on my forgiveness.
On Saturday I got a phone call from my Father. He never picks up the phone to just say hi or anything so I knew right away that something was wrong. He called to tell me how disappointed he was in me. A couple of weeks ago I told my Mother that I didn't want to go to their house to observe the anniversary of my brother's in November. I told her that I intended to go to NYC and spend time with some of the friends that my brother and I shared. I feel that this is a more fitting memorial and it is what he would want me to do. I told her that I was going to be sad and I was going to remember wherever I was. I told her that I didn't want to go to their house to observe this anniversary. I know that me making the effort would be some kind of comfort to them but it would be absolute torture for me. I know that I am there only remaining child but that doesn't mean that I don't get to decide what I feel I need to do for my own sanity. They are not a source of comfort for me, it is sad to say but it is true. My dad just yelled at me and told me how he can't believe that I was doing this to my mother. He told me that I think that they are just parents of "convenience" and that I was doing the same thing to my Mother that my "brother always did". I didn't respond to any of this during the conversation. I've been his daughter for 42 years now and I've finally learned that it doesn't do any good. When he is like that he doesn't listen and would only twist everything back to me. I just told him if that is how he feels about me, I'm not going to change his mind. How does he think that talking to me in this way is going to make me want to go there? What shred of logic is he clinging to for that one? It would just be so impossibly sad to be there and you know what, it is always sad to be there. Even before my brother did this thing. So now, I feel that I would just be crushed under the weight of it all. I feel for my Mother I really do but I just can't make that trip for her. I can't ask my husband and my daughter to make that trip either. I need to forgive them for their part in what Mike did and I can't do that yet.
My feelings towards my brother change all the time. Right now, I'm just so incredibly sad for him. I feel his pain now and frankly it makes me feel vengeful. My Pastor talked about how in the face of abuse there can be forgiveness but there also must be justice. I'm still searching for the greater justice for Mike but I can do my small part. For some reason he didn't feel like he could say no to them and release himself and still remain here intact. But I can and I will.
The Pastor told a story about a young boy who did something very bad during advent. He was very defiant and refused to admit he was wrong to his parents even though it meant that he might be sacrificing all his Christmas presents. No matter how many times his parents gently asked him to admit he was wrong and say that he was sorry, he refused to admit that he was wrong. Finally Christmas came and when he looked under the tree on Christmas morning there were more presents and many more extravagant presents than he had ever received before. As soon as he saw what his parents had done he broke down and admitted he was wrong and said he was sorry. When I heard that it reminded me so much of my own family but with a very different result. Back during the 90's there was a period of time where my brother had exhausted all his outlets and was forced to move back in with my parents in their very small one bedroom apartment. It was a completely black time for him. My father was so fed up with my brother and his situation that he forbade my mother from buying him any Christmas presents at all. He didn't want to "reward" my brother in any way. My mother must have felt that she needed to give him something so she bought a bunch of things that he needed like; saline solution, tube socks, shaving cream, etc., and wrapped them up and put them under the tree. When I saw him sitting there opening these "presents" up it just struck me as one of the saddest things I had ever seen. I know my mother meant well but I think that she made my brother feel like he was some kind of homeless or third-world person, just grateful for the most menial of gifts. How different it could have been if my father had decided to love more instead of punish more? This story has always stuck with me and now coupled with the Pastor's story it's all I can think about.
I guess that the right thing for me to do is to go to Greenport for the anniversary. But I don't think that I can. I want to be able to love more instead of punish more but I'm not there yet. I'm still working on my forgiveness.
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